Sunday, October 23, 2011

Blow out

A few weeks ago...

Baby Daddy: Your bag is so big. You don't need to carry around all that stuff. We don't need a change of clothes and so many diapers.


We're in line at Baby Gap for a return. I hear one of those sounds coming from the stroller that you know is going to be liquidy and messy. The 3 people in line behind me all turn their heads and I pretend not to notice. I casually look down at the car seat.

Holy crap. (Literally.)

There's poop oozing out the sizes of the baby and the newborn insert. His face is starting to turn red and he's huffing and puffing. I look over at the cashier as he fumbles with the register. Hurry up! As I wait, I realiz the family washroom is a pretty far walk from Baby Gap. As soon as the cashier was done, I turn the stroller around, hit a few racks on the way out, and run my ass out the door to the washroom.

When we get to the changing station, I pull out all my extra wipes, burp clothes, and grab some paper towels from the sink. I had to be prepared with anything I could find to get this mess cleaned. After 3 wipes, 2 burp cloths, 4 paper towels, and a change of clothes, he's cleaned up. As we walk back through the mall, I start to worry what would happen if he had another blow out before we even make it back home. Later on, as I put him back in the car to head home, I hear a liquidy sound.

And that story is why I keep so much stuff in my bag, thankyouverymuch.

Monday, October 10, 2011

High Five

Baby daddy to 2 year-old:

"Someday you can high five girls' butts."

Context: Daddy was changing son's poopy diaper and son touched his butt and goes "Butt! I touched my butt!" Daddy says: "You can touch your own butt. And someday you can high five girls' butts."

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Splitting the work

Me: Since I just fed and changed the baby and now I'm going to drag him to 3 stores, can you put the dishes in the dishwasher away?

Baby Daddy: Sure.

:::2.5 hours later:::

Baby Daddy: Sorry, I'm going to do the dishes once I'm done with this quest.

Me: Ok, no problem.

:::2 hours later:::

The dishes are still sitting in the dishwasher.

I ate lunch, read the newspaper, took out the trash & recycling, did a load of laundry, uploaded and edited 90 photos, swept the cat litter, and cleaned the bedroom.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

In your free time...

Since you're home all day doing nothing, you can rake the leaves, right?

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Naked Baby

"Stop sending me naked pictures. It's child pornography."

It's a BABY wearing a DIAPER.